


Dancing with the Devil

by NoelEnough



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Drugs, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Scars, Slow Burn, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2019-11-14 00:36:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18042095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoelEnough/pseuds/NoelEnough
Summary: Nyx has worked hard to get her crew to where it is. She's poured her heart and soul into her club, Underworld, and has become a feared figure of protection. The crews of Los Santos know they're safe when Nyx lets them into Tartarus.But there's a reason Nyx stays in the Underworld, and that reason is a little hazy to her longtime friends Geoff Ramsey and Ryan "Vagabond" Haywood. When he's "banished" to Tartarus, Nyx is forced to spend time with Vagabond. Their fractured friendship puts stress on the two survivors as he desperately tries to rebuild the bridge she had blocked off. He's been hurt and wants to reconnect, and as much as she wants to too, she's afraid of the hurt. They were scarred and broken on their own, can being together really ease the fear and pain?





	1. Chapter 1

          I could feel the music thumping through the soundproof walls, the bass so strong that the water in my glass rippled to the beat. I watched the dancefloor from my office high above the dancing club goers and waited for my girls to return from their missions. Running Underworld was only a front for my crew and I and, as the face of one of Los Santos’ most popular clubs, I couldn’t very well go out and take care of the other “ventures” my crew, The Moirai, was involved in.

          Eris and Medusa were out lining up our next shipment of drugs. Weed was the tamest of the drugs being distributed through the city, but it was the only one we could sell with a clear conscious. I knew much harder drugs were being bought and sold forty feet below me in the dim lights and dark corners that weren’t occupied by couples taking a few minutes to grind _off_ the dancefloor, but that wasn’t my doing and I couldn’t stop them. That was a sure-fire way to kill business, so my orders were to only put a stop to any deals that took place on minor’s night.

          Hecate and Artemis were out amongst the dancers, trolling for troublemakers and any other undesirables. We were criminals, but we still had rules. Anyone caught getting too handsy with someone who was uninterested left with a few bruises and anyone doing more than that left with broken hands. Anyone caught drugging drinks left unconscious and woke up in the middle of the desert with nothing but their underwear and multiple wounds and broken bones. They were in charge of our weapon shipments, but it would be another week before our next transaction so they passed the time by haunting the floor.

          Persephone was down in Tartarus, cleaning it up so that it was ready for the next residents. They wouldn’t be coming in for another few days, but the last one was a disaster in more ways than one. It was bad when even Eris looked at the main room and made a face. I made a note to charge more if they came back for another stay and took the opportunity to replace some appliances that were getting rough anyway. The next crew was lucky I didn’t charge extra for the shiny new stove and countertops. If they were anyone else I would have, but they were regular customers. And besides, I had history with the Fakes.

          I was watching the crowd flow like lily pads riding the waves of music when my earpiece crackled to life and Hecate’s voice and the heavy electronic music from tonight’s performer broke my trance.

          “Nyx. Geoff is here and wants to come up.”

          “Send him right up,” I responded with a smile.

          I turned my back to the window and walked over to my desk, sitting on the edge as the music rushed into the stairwell that led up to my office. The heavy door cut off the flow and I took a sip of my drink as I listened to my old friend ascend the stairs. When he entered the room, he broke out in a wide smile before crossing the room and throwing his arms around me.

          “Hey Natalia,” he greeted me as he pulled me into a tight hug.

          “Hey Geoffrey,” I laughed into the shoulder of his tailored suit. “What brings you in tonight?”

          “I can’t come visit one of my oldest friends just to see them?” he teased as he flopped into the armchair next to my desk.

          “You never meet me during business hours.”

          “I just wanted to talk about our stay in Tartarus,” he relented with a smile and an eye roll. _“And to visit you._ It feels like ages since the last time we hung out.”

          “It has been a while,” I laughed. “But if you’re going to stay here later this week, we can hang out then. You know that my office and Tartarus are safe places.”

          “I won’t be staying,” he shrugged, looking a little sad for a second. “The reason we rented Tartarus is for something a little more serious.”

          “What’s wrong?” I asked as my smile fell as my body tensed up.

          “I’m sure you’ve heard all about Vagabond.”

          “Not a lot actually,” I frowned. “I know he took a hit and the crew retaliated and he got hurt.”

          “They almost killed him,” Geoff said bluntly. “They grabbed him after he left one of his safehouses and tortured him. They released shots of his face to some of the bigger crews before beating him to within an inch of his life. His face is scarred, and he has acid burns all over the right side of his body among many other marks.”

          “Holy shit,” I muttered.

          “Yeah,” Geoff sighed as he played with his cuffs. “He’s been trying to act like himself, but he’s still really fucked up mentally. I made breakfast the other day and he had a panic attack when I started on the bacon.”

          I winced and felt my stomach churn. It had been years since I worked closely with Vagabond, but I knew he wasn’t the type to get rattled like that. I remember him being a fountain of confidence that made me want to punch him in his smug face, and even then I still respected him for his ability to run into a firefight unfazed. It was hard to imagine him panicking. The man I had known wouldn’t jump if a gun was fired next to his head.

          “What does that have to do with me?” I asked as the silence stretched on.

          “We pulled him from that hellhole about nine months ago,” Geoff continued. “He’s physically back to where he was before, and that crew knows it. The last three jobs he was on, they showed up and tried to take him. Luckily, he wasn’t alone for any of them and he was able to keep it together until he was safe. What I haven’t told him yet is that they’ve been circling the hideout with the hope of catching him. I want him here where he’s got immunity while we try to deal with those punks.”

          “So you’re sending him to Tartarus so that no other crews can touch him.”

          “Everyone knows that this club is an embassy for whoever you’ve got in there,” Geoff said as he motioned towards the bookcase behind me. “If they come after him while he’s staying here, they risk being hunted by more than just the Fakes. The man’s a crazy motherfucker, but he’s one of my best friends and he’s saved my dumbass a million times. It’s about time I do the same for him. And don’t pretend like he’s not still your best friend. It’s been a while, but you two were close.”

          “You only have the reservation for a week,” I muttered as I opened up my calendar, making the man in front of me sigh heavily.

          “Can I extend it?” Geoff asked as he folded his hands in front of his face and watched me with a disappointed look.

          “I can give you a month,” I nodded. “You’re lucky I like you and won’t charge you full price.”

          “I sense a catch,” Geoff smirked.

          “You have to buy his groceries,” I smiled back. “And if he breaks anything, you’re paying for it.”

          “If it means I can keep the motherfucker around a little longer, it’s a price I’m willing to pay.”


	2. Chapter 2

          “So, let me get this straight?” Eris huffed as I sat back at my desk. “The man has an entire crew hunting him and you’re letting him stay here?”

          “That’s the point of Tartarus,” I sighed. “It’s a safehouse for when nowhere else is safe. If anyone touches him, they break the rules of Tartarus and will have the entire city either breathing down their necks or unwilling to trust them.”

          “I’m more concerned that she’s trying to find the photos of his face,” Medusa said as she laid on the couch with her magazine.

          “We stay neutral for a reason,” I continued. “But that seems like something we would have heard about one way or another. Vagabond’s identity would be the talk of the town. _I_ already know what he looks like, I just want to know what everyone else has seen.”

          “All I’m getting is a lot of talk,” Persephone said from behind her laptop. “Vagabond was apparently good at wiping his information and even though there was a clear shot of his face, no one’s been able to put a name to it.”

          “That’s actually super impressive,” Arti nodded.

          “And yet not surprising,” I smiled. “When I worked with him he was a very private person. It took him nearly a year to fully open up to the rest of the Fakes. They saw his face and that was it. Geoff almost slipped up and said his name during the introduction meeting and I thought I was going to witness the first death by glare.”

          There was a sudden burst of sound from Persephone’s laptop and when I snapped my attention to her, she looked green as her brow was furrowed with concern.

          “What is it?” I asked as I got up to stand by her.

          “There…” she swallowed hard and looked like she was going to throw up. “I found footage.”

          “Footage? As in footage of his torture?” Medusa questioned as she shot up with everyone else to crowd around the computer.

          Persephone didn’t need to answer. The video had been paused to show Vagabond tied to a chair with his arms behind him and shirtless but still masked. His body was flexed and tense, but his eyes gleamed with defiance despite the deep bruising that littered his torso. The look in his eyes was the one he was notorious for, the confident twinkle that _begged_ danger to try him, and it sent a chill down my spine as he focused on someone off camera.

          “Play it.”

          My order was quiet, but not weak and I felt the girls tense up as they prepared for what we were about to see.

          The room was filled with sick laughter and Vagabond’s ragged breathing as he tracked someone’s movement until they stepped into the frame.

          “Say cheese!”

          With a flourish, the man grabbed the top of the infamous skull mask and ripped it off, taking some hair with it and making Vagabond hiss with pain. His eyes blew out with panic for a fraction of a second before it was replaced by vicious anger. Long blond hair fell around his shoulders, a loose ponytail desperately trying to keep it in order but failing in the wake of the torture. The stubble along his jaw was starting to get thick enough to call a beard and his cool blue eyes burned like a winter blizzard. Hecate muttered a soft hum of appreciation and I hid my smile. Almost immediately I winced and shrunk away as I remembered where this was going.

          “Look. At. _You,”_ his captor continued to jeer, completely unperturbed by the death glare he was getting from the city’s most dangerous man. “You’re in good shape for a man your age in this line of work. You’re what? Mid-thirties?”

          Vagabond spit at the man, a little bit of blood tinting it as it landed on the man’s chest.

          “What an animal,” the man grunted. “Boys, show him what happens when an animal misbehaves.”

          Persephone looked away and I heard Medusa whimper unintentionally as a whip cracked across his back and Vagabond let out a choked groan as he tried to keep himself from crying out. I started shaking as I watched him tremble from a combination of pain and rage. His lips pulled apart in a sick grin as his attacker moved to face him.

          _“Harder.”_

My lips quirked as his command and the challenging look in his eyes tickled some twisted part of my mind, but then there was another crack.

          Vagabond roared as the whip came across the left side of his face and immediately blood started pouring down his cheek. His eyes were squeezed shut, but I could see that the cut was deep. His bellow continued as he tried to open his eyes but his eyelid wasn’t moving the way it should. That must be the facial scar Geoff mentioned.

          “Stop.”

          My command wavered this time, but Persephone stopped the video with lightning speed. I looked away and felt my stomach sink into my feet. The Vagabond I remembered wasn’t a kind man by most definitions, but he was an integral member of their family and I knew Geoff and the Fakes loved him like a brother. If this video existed deep within the internet, I knew Geoff had seen it already and now I fully understood why he was going to such lengths to protect Vagabond. His friend and brother had been humiliated, defaced, and almost killed. I felt a part of me ache for Vagabond and I sighed as I remembered my time with him. He had been my best friend at one point and though I hadn’t talked to him in nearly ten years, I felt the need to retaliate on his behalf.

          “It goes on for over an hour,” Persephone murmured.

          She moused over the timeline and stopped when the preview window was filled with a clear liquid being thrown at Vagabond’s right side. I reached out and stopped her from hitting anything further. There was silence as the images before us settled on us. It was terrifying to see a man like Vagabond brought down that low, and it enraged me. This was low, even for a crew trying to show the world that they had the balls to stand up to the Fakes.

          “He’s staying here,” I said firmly. “And if any of those fuckers try to step foot in my club, I want them tied up and brought up here.”

          “Why?” Hecate asked, not taking her eyes away from the screen.

          “Because _I_ want a shot at those bastards.”


	3. Chapter 3

          A few days later we were sitting in my office, waiting. It was nearly three in the morning, the club had been closed for two hours and the cleaning crew had cleared out. We usually would have gone home by now, but I made it a point to be here when a new tenant arrived and the girls wanted to see the man in the flesh. We had worked with Vagabond passively for years, but this was the first time any of them other than me and Arti had been this close to him. I tried to get them to go so that he didn’t feel like a circus animal being ogled while on parade through my office, but they were adamant.

          Eris was the only one who chose to pass on seeing Ryan in person, a choice I wasn’t entirely surprised by. She had always been a little cold towards the Fakes so I figured she would pass on being anywhere near the infamous Vagabond.

          Medusa was pacing the far wall, doing her best to seem impatient but I could see the eagerness in her gleaming green eyes and her shoulder-length red curls bobbed and swayed along with her nervous motions.

          Artemis had posted up in the armchair and managed to curl her long legs in under her as she scrolled through her phone. Her long light brown hair was pulled up in a messy bun and she had a book in her lap, set up so that she could pick it up when the doors opened and seem like she was just killing time by reading. What I’m not sure she realized was that if she picked it up as is, it would be upside down.

          Hecate was sitting on the arm of the couch and watching Medusa pace while rubbing the fresh fuzz of her undercut. She had been trying to grow it out but quickly remembered why she didn’t like letting her thick blonde hair cover her neck. She had been trying to get Medusa to sit down but gave up once it was obvious that the nervous energy needed a place to go.

          Persephone was sitting on the edge of her desk and was adding ornaments to her box braids. She must have felt my gaze because she looked past the braid in front of her nose and locked eyes with me. I smirked and nodded towards the other three that were giving off enough energy to make the air feel thick with anxiety. She giggled silently and rolled her eyes. She had dealt with Vagabond before and while he intimidated her, she wasn’t afraid of him.

          When the buzzer to the back door went off, they all started to rush around and find a position to act natural and I just kicked my feet up onto the desk and watched with a humored smile. Medusa threw herself onto the couch as the door at the bottom of the stairwell opened and Arti quickly flipped her book right side up as two heavy sets of feet climbed up the stairs. Hecate looked at her nails with mock indifference and Persephone held her breath as the door to my office swung open. Despite their best attempts, they were obviously staring at him as Vagabond entered and he stopped dead in his tracks, causing Geoff to walk into his back.

          “They think this is what natural looks like,” I smirked as he gave me a confused look out of the corner of his eye.

          The left eye was the one that I had a better angle on and I could see the deep scar even under the black paint he used to darken his eye sockets for the mask. The eye itself was a little cloudy but I could tell that he was able to focus on me, so he could still see well enough out of it. And it still showed the irritation that being stared at garnered.

          “You saw him, now go home girls,” I ordered, holding my hand up when they started to argue. “There’s no room for arguing. Go home and leave the man alone. If he wants your attention later, he knows how to find you.”

          They grumbled but relented and one by one filed out of the room as Vagabond flopped into the chair across from me and Geoff stood behind him.

          “You get all his stuff?” He asked. “The food and shit too? You know how to get in touch if something comes u-”

          “Geoff leave,” I interrupted as Vagabond’s eyes rolled and his fists clench with anger. “You’ve officially crossed from concerned friend to paranoid parent dropping their kid off at summer camp.”

          Geoff frowned and gave me a stern look as Vagabond gave me a look that screamed that he was just about done for the day. I waved my hand towards the door.

          “I’ve got him from here Geoff. I’ll call you if anything comes up. I’ll keep him fed and watered and all that.”

          I was fixed with a look that was equal parts tired and annoyed from both men, but Geoff relented and gave me a stiff nod before leaving. The moment the metal door downstairs slammed shut, Vagabond sunk into the chair and his head fell backward as he heaved a heavy sigh.

          “How much of this is voluntary?” I asked after a few moments.

          “About three-quarters of it,” Vagabond grunted. “It was less before he told me the fuckers were staking the hideout waiting for me.”

          He swallowed hard and I watched a ripple of something wash over him. His body tensed up and his knuckles went white as he clenched his fists before settling back into the chair slightly more tense than before.

          “Am I going to have problems keeping you in Tartarus?”

          “I’m banished,” he huffed in frustration. “I thought no one could escape Tartarus. I thought that was the point of its existence.”

          I laughed happily and his head snapped up, his eyes glowing with something close to content.

          “Not only did the titans regularly escape Tartarus with a little outside help, but they were also banished there for a reason. There are several titans and primordial deities that _willingly_ call it home and can come and go as they please.”

          “Like Nyx,” Vagabond hummed and I could see his eyes crinkle from a smile.

          “Like Nyx,” I smiled back. “Yes, you’re here for your own safety, but not because you did something wrong and the gods threw you down to Tartarus. You’re here because you need protecting, which is something Nyx regularly did for her titan children and friends, and the gods wouldn’t dare cross Nyx. Even if they _really_ wanted to kill their target.”

          “So, what now?” Vagabond sighed.

          “You stay in Tartarus until Geoff can take care of the assholes who fucked with you.”

          I saw him wince and roll his shoulders as he sat up and stared off into space. I let him sit in silence for a while, knowing he was fighting something internally, and after several minutes he sighed heavily and gently tugged his mask off. He leaned forward on his knees as he tossed the mask onto my desk. I watched as the rubber crumpled under its own weight and Vagabond rubbed his eyes.

          “Look at me.”

          His voice was so soft that I almost didn’t hear it and when I looked up at him I understood why. His eyes were red, and judging by the streaking of the eye black it wasn’t because he was tired. The cloudy eye drew my attention first and I followed the scar that ran from his hairline, cut across his eye, and left a crease in his cheek. It was still a light pink color where the paint wasn’t hiding it and we each sighed heavily.

          “I’ll admit, while the mask is on, the eye is a little intimidating,” he laughed shortly. “But once it’s off, it’s more like an insult. I’ve been electrocuted, waterboarded, cut, burned, stabbed and shot, but it was a fucking _whip_ that broke me. And on camera too!”

          “How often have people gone after your face like that though?” I asked as he grit his teeth and snarled at an unseen person by his knee.

          “Other than the waterboarding, never,” he huffed.

          “Everyone has their limit,” I sighed. “They found yours and-”

          “And fucking broadcast it to the entire _fucking_ city.”

          “Ryan,” I snapped softly.

          His eyes immediately focused on me and the anger and pain faded a little. His shoulders relaxed and I saw his lip quiver.

          “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I just feel like a paranoid wreck and I’m beginning to understand why you stay locked up here Nat.”

          I sighed and swallowed hard, hearing him say my name hitting me a little harder than I thought it would and it brought back memories I wanted to keep, but they were attached to ones I never wanted to see again.

          “They found your limit Rye,” I continued. “They found it and pushed well past it. You’re going to be nervous and scared for a while, but it’ll become a driving force. I know you and I know that, once you can get over the initial shock, you’re going to take this and make it something absolutely terrifying for those fuckers.”

          I looked up from my clasped hands and smiled at the smirk he was wearing. His smile grew as he saw mine and I could see a familiar glimmer in his eyes.

          “It’s been a long time Nyxie,” he said. “I can honestly say that I’ve missed you.”

          I felt a flutter in my chest that I hadn’t felt in ages and I laughed away the sensation and shaking my head to chase the feelings back to where I had kept them hidden.

          “Well,” I sighed. “Let me show you to your new room.”


	4. Chapter 4

          “Has he even come out of there?”

          I glanced up from my ledger at Persephone, who was staring at the bookcase behind me like it was going to open and reveal some great treasure to her.

          “He has,” I smirked. “He’s like a cockroach. He comes out when he thinks he’s alone and acts surprised when he sees that I’m still here.”

          “He get that fucked up that he doesn’t want to socialize?” Hecate asked and Artemis snorted.

          “No,” she huffed. “He’s always been like this. Unless you’re a Fake, he may as well be a feral cat. Completely untouchable unless you want to get bit or he comes to you.”

          “Untouchable until now,” Eris said softly and ignored my glare.

          “You used to work with him, didn’t you Nyx?” Arti asked as she stepped away from the window.

          “We were partners for a long time, yes,” I said simply.

          “What was he like then?”

          “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” I smirked as fond memories came back to me.

          “He seems like he’s difficult to get along with,” Hecate added as she leaned on the arm of the couch.

          “He can be. You just have to know how to deal with him.”

          “I always thought he killed too much for you two to work well together,” Arti shrugged. “You’ve always been one to keep away from a big fight.”

          “I was a little different back then,” I muttered. “I used to be almost as bad as him.”

          “I beg your pardon?” Persephone gasped.

          “ _You_ used to be trigger happy?” Hecate smirked.

          “He and I worked well together because neither of us care about the body count,” I snapped back. “We’re being shot at, the only way to stop being shot at is to kill, so we killed.”

          “What the hell happened?” Hecate asked.

          “After he joined the Fakes and I went solo, I got in over my head.”

          My mouth ran dry and my body tensed up. My heart started to race and I could feel a cold sweat form on the back of my neck. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths until I could unclench my fist.

          “I got in over my head and almost died,” I whispered once I could speak. “I haven’t been able to go out in the field since then. I tried but the anxiety was too much. That’s when I hired you all and opened the club.”

          The girls sat in silence for a while and I took the time to finish coming down from my panic attack.

          “How close were you two?” Persephone asked, trying to change the subject.

          “Pretty close,” I smiled.

          “Did you fuck him?” Hecate asked.

          I snorted and burst into laughter as her question blindsided me and soon the whole room was devolving into hysterical giggles and the tension disappeared.

          “No,” I smiled. “We weren’t _that_ close.”

          They all chuckled and went back to what they were doing before, but I just stared down at my open book and the numbers started to blur together as my mind wandered. Ryan and I were never that close, but I couldn’t deny that at one point I _wanted_ to be. He had always been a cocky asshole, but when I needed him to be serious he was. When I needed his shoulder to cry on, he was there. I had known him almost as long as I had known Geoff, I had _gotten_ Ryan the job with the Fakes, and I knew him as well as Geoff did. Everything could go to hell and I knew, even now, he would have my back.

          But the night I needed him most, the night I screamed for him to help me, was the night he wasn’t there. It was no fault of his. I had gotten myself in that mess and he was completely unaware, but it still stung. He and Geoff were the first things I saw when I woke up three days later, having been dumped in an alley near a burger joint we frequented, and it stung to see him after I had gone hoarse begging for him to save me.

          His face had been the last image to cross my mind that night, and my only dying regret was that I never got the nerve to tell him I loved him. That was why I hadn’t talked to him directly in nearly ten years. That’s why for the last eight years I hadn’t done more than brief business with him. It was why for the last few nights I cried because of the ache in my chest.

          I looked at Ryan and I saw the safest place I could ever be. In that madman, I _still_ saw my best friend and a kind of happiness that I hadn’t seen in anyone else before or since. I saw past the cockiness in his eyes and saw the man who had spent years living with me. Watching me break down and helping me put myself back together. Learning how to deal with me. He was the only person I could count on to help me one hundred percent of the time.

          And it terrified me. I convinced myself that I needed to work without him and it worked so well that I successfully alienated myself from the man who knew me best. I let this take root deep enough that I kept a very distant relationship with the girls. They tried to get me to socialize, and as much as I wanted to, the same voice that told me that I didn’t need Ryan shouted that I couldn’t get close to them. That would make me need them too much.

          Except that I did need them. I couldn’t run this without them. Persephone was my bookkeeper, going over all our legal income as well as setting up drops and reservations for Tartarus. Hecate, Artemis, and Medusa were my muscle and did most of the heavy lifting because I was too anxious to go out and do it myself. Eris was my ear to the ground. She had connections all around the city and knew who was going to be doing what and when, as well as knowing who may be in need of our weapons. She was constantly threatening to leave the crew, claiming that I wasn’t paying her enough for her services, but also refusing to actually go when I told her where the door was.

          I was just a figurehead. I was the face of the club and the face of our crew. If anything _they_ didn’t need _me,_ and for the first time in a decade that made me feel worse than the idea of needing them too much.


	5. Chapter 5

          When Geoff told me Ryan would be staying in Tartarus I told myself that I could handle being that close to him, but I was wrong. My best friend was only a hundred feet away from me, but some stubborn part of my mind refused to let me give in and spend time with him.

          _You have a club to run. You don’t need him. Remember what happens when you rely on him too much. You almost died because you needed him too much._

          The constant barrage was starting to take its toll on me and my crew was starting to notice. Persephone had taken to bringing me coffee, knowing I hadn’t been sleeping and was probably in my office way earlier than normal. Hecate and Medusa were actually keeping their logs for deals and trades because they had been watching my eyes glaze over. Artemis seemed to notice that talking about him made me feel better for a short time and was genuinely curious about my time as Vagabond’s partner.

          “So,” she huffed as she sat across from me, forcing me to focus on something other than my thoughts. “I did some research because I was amazed that I had never heard of you before you opened the club even though you _supposedly_ were on par with Vagabond for quite some time.”

          “And you found out that, should the police actually grow a brain cell between them, I wasn’t fucking sneaky and could have all of my work with V traced directly to me.”

          “You weren’t even on the same planet as ‘sneaky’,” she grinned as she slapped a decently thick file on my desk.

          “You’re a real piece of work,” Hecate laughed as I smiled and shrugged.

          “Your physical description is different. _That’s it_ ,” Arti continued as she opened the file like a detective interrogating a suspect. “Says here Nyx has silver hair, purple eyes, and was rarely seen without Vagabond until he joined the Fake AH Crew.”

          “The silver hair was a pain to keep up so I went to black,” I shrugged as I ran my hand through my hair.

          “And I wore purple contacts,” I continued.

          “You two were a regular Bonnie and Clyde,” Arti said as she flipped through police records. “We can blame modern surveillance techniques on you two because you got so good at disabling bank cameras.”

          “What happened?” Hecate spoke up. “Sounds like you had a good thing going.”

          “He was looking for bigger hauls, Geoff was looking for muscle for his heists, so I told Geoff to give him a try. The rest is history.”

          “How did you meet them anyway?” Arti hummed.

          “I started college here in Los Santos as Vagabond was finishing up his senior year,” I reminisced with a smile. “I took a theater class my freshman year and he and the teacher were good friends so Vagabond wasted his free period watching us freshman get over our shyness.”

          “But you’ve known Geoff longer,” Eris commented.

          “Yeah,” I laughed awkwardly. “I spent a lot of time at his house when I was younger.”

          I didn’t have to look up from my knotted hands to know they were giving me a range of disgusted looks.

          “We were neighbors and when I was little I played with his sister. As we grew older, she started to invite me over for big sleepovers but the popular girls pushed me out. So, I went and bothered Geoff who took pity on me and let me play on his SNES,” I said. “She completely abandoned me for the popular kids in middle school but I kept hanging out with him. When he moved here to Los Santos when he was like, 23, I lost track of him. I moved out here for school and saw his name in the ‘Roommate Wanted’ section of Craigslist.”

          “Oh good,” Hecate breathed. “I was afraid you were going to say you had a crush on him or something.”

          “Why?” I laughed. “When have I _ever_ given you that impression?”

          “I think she’s projecting,” Eris muttered.

          “I don’t know that you’re his type Hecate,” I smirked as she turned bright red.

          “She is.”

          We all jumped as a deep voice emanated from the bookcase behind me and we slumped in our respective seats as there was a soft hiss and the door to Tartarus slid open. I turned my head enough to see Vagabond ascend the last few stairs and stand tall in my office. It was a little early for him to be up here, he usually waited for the place to be totally empty, but the dancefloor still had a few stragglers that he watched for a few moments before posting up on my desk.

          “He likes blondes that could probably break him,” Ryan smirked, making Hecate blush further and I rolled my eyes.

          “I hate that that’s still his type,” I grumbled.

          “What?” he laughed. “You think climbing up to the top would make him switch to weak and kind girls like you?”

          “Fuck right off,” I growled. “I’ll fucking bury you under the dancefloor and tell Geoff you disappeared.”

          “So demure,” he teased, responding to my eye roll with a toothy grin.

          “You’re not wearing any facepaint,” I commented as I noticed the girls gawking.

          “I know you all have seen the video,” he sighed and looked away as a shadow of pain flashed over him. “I’ve had nothing better to do than raid your office and look up the public’s view of me.”

          “You did _what_ to my office?” I snapped as I looked around to see if anything was obviously missing.

          “I’ve gone through everything you own up here,” he said nonchalantly before continuing. “Did you know I have a fan club? I knew I had one before that kinda wanted to fuck me, but now it’s _bad._ I have fanfiction and everything.”

          “So does Ted Bundy and Charles Manson,” Eris said dryly.

          “Don’t lump me in with those psychopaths,” Ryan said as his face contorted with disgust. “Not only do I _not_ kill innocents, I am capable of caring and forming meaningful relationships. I’m a sociopath _at most.”_

“And what are you then?” she snapped.

          “One sadistic motherfucker.”

“Forgive me,” she responded and turned towards the door. “I’ll just leave before I insult His Majesties sensibilities any further.”

          She didn’t wait to hear all of our confused farewells and I noticed Arti and Hecate share a concerned glance before following her, so I went back to a more pressing issue.

          “You went through my office?” I repeated as Ryan eyed the door suspiciously.

          “You won’t come down and hang out so I figured I’d leave a note seeing if you wanted to play some Mario Party and then got sidetracked while looking for a pen.”

          _“So you went through my office?”_

“Don’t act so surprised,” he smiled. “If you actually hung out with us, you’d probably know Geoff and I haven’t changed much or at the very least remember more than our names.”

          I sighed heavily as the tug on my heart became a dull ache as he playfully nudged my shoulder.

          “I’m only half kidding,” he said softly. “I’m serious Nat. We miss the 3 am burger runs and street racing. We miss you.”

          My brain short-circuited at the sound of him saying that he missed me. I knew he was talking about him _and_ Geoff but having him so close to me right now wasn’t making it any better. I looked up at him sadly as the voice in my head argued with my heart.

          “Why did you shut us out Nat?” he asked as he saw my posture change. “I understand wanting to stay up here because being on the streets makes you nervous, but why shut us out? We will protect you, Nat. You know that Geoff and I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”

          I swallowed hard and looked down to hide the tears that were falling down my cheek. I gasped as his hand appeared in my blurry vision and he gently lifted my chin so that I was looking up at him.

          “I shouldn’t need you to protect me,” I said as the concern in his eyes made my stomach curdle. The voice I had been fighting for the last two weeks took over.

          _You don’t need him. You should be able to do this on your own. You don’t need him._

“Nyxie.”

          His tone made my momentary happiness fizzle out and once again I was left numb. I wanted to go downstairs with him and have fun like we used to when we lived together. But I couldn’t slip that far again. I couldn’t rely on someone like that. Not in this city.

          He didn’t stop me as I stood abruptly and stumbled towards the door. I muttered some useless apologies and locked the doors behind me. He didn’t say a word and part of me wished he had.

          I went home and didn’t feel anything until I laid in bed. I curled up under the covers and I felt a tug in my chest.

          _Nyxie._

It sounded like he was there with me, his voice echoing through my head and chasing away the ache for a moment. His voice argued with the one in my head, Ryan’s telling me I was safe with him and the other telling me I should be able to be safe without him.

          I got the urge to go back to the club and take Ryan up on his offer of playing video games. Staying up until the sun rose and our voices went out from laughing and yelling at each other. Just like we used to. Suddenly I was too cold, too alone.

_You don’t need him._


	6. Chapter 6

          I took in a deep breath as I woke from my deep sleep and the smell of bleach made my heart skip a beat before it started to race. I opened my eyes and squinted into the fluorescent lights that lit the dank and dirty room I was tied up in. I tried to scream but nothing happened. _I hadn’t started screaming yet._

The door opened and I tried to put on a strong face despite the fear that was making my hands shake no matter how tightly I gripped the arms of the chair. Two men I hadn’t seen in a decade walked in with long blades that seemed to glow. My breathing was hard and heavy as panic started to set in. _I had never been good at bluffing through fear like Ryan was._

I yelped into the cloth that was covering my mouth as the one who had been in here with me earlier yanked my head back by my hair and I was subconsciously concerned about the texture of my fried silver hair. Ryan would tease me if he knew the thought had crossed my mind and I made a note to tell him about it later. _I didn’t want him to know I was afraid. I wanted him to think I could do this on my own._

“You’re not as good at this on your own, are you?” the man sneered and my stomach started to fall. “Nyx is nothing without Vagabond to back her up.”

          “Nothing more than a pretty face and a sneaky bitch,” the other man nodded.

          When he took Geoff’s offer to join the Fakes permanently, Ryan practically smothered me with his concern. I told him a thousand times I wouldn’t go into situations guns-a-blazing like we usually did. I knew I wasn’t much of a threat without him watching my back. _I almost had the job in the bag too, but I didn’t notice the men sneaking up on me as I fumbled with the cameras. Ryan was always my look out when those things took too long._

“Now Nyx,” the first man grinned as he pulled my gag away. “I want you to start screaming for your partner. If you’re lucky, maybe he’ll actually hear you and pick your useless ass up.”

          The searing pain was sharp and intense and my scream echoed through the abandoned slaughterhouse. _Then I didn’t stop screaming._

“How is he supposed to know it’s you?” the first man shouted over my screams and the sound of his friend shoving the blade into my side. _All the way to the handguard._

_“Vagabond!”_

          I screamed for him every time the knives broke skin, and they didn’t stop until my voice was too hoarse to get above a loud whisper. I whimpered and called out to him as I was hauled into a van and dumped somewhere in the city. _I knew where. I recognized the smell of that grease._

I was so cold even though it was the middle of July. Everything hurt and felt wet. And I was so cold. I called out for him, no longer because I thought he could hear me, but because I was trying to trick myself into believing that he was there. I was so scared and he was always there when I needed him. I just needed to yell for him…

 

 

          _“Ryan!”_

I shot straight up in bed, soaked in a cold sweat as the walls reverberated with his name. My hands went to my sides where the scars still stood out against my pale skin. My entire body ached but nothing hurt more than my heart. I collapsed back into my pillows and shook as I tried to push the memories away.

          _You don’t need him. You don’t need him. You don’t need him here._

_But I want him here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the Mad King and all.... but Vagabond is my weakness.


	7. Chapter 7

          “We need to talk. Alone.”

          I looked up at Geoff and sighed as he stared down Persephone, who caved under his gaze and fled with a small nod. The doors slammed shut and Geoff sat down heavily in the chair across from me after tossing some plain white paper bags on the desk. The smell coming from them triggered a Pavlovian response in me and I swallowed hard as I tried to ignore the memories of rolling up to the restaurant with him and Ryan.

          “I got your favorite,” Geoff said as he pulled out a soda cup full of French fries. “Double cheese with everything and no lettuce or tomato.”

          The foil wrapped burger hit the tabletop with a wet thump and I tried to look unimpressed, but my stomach growled eagerly and betrayed my true feelings. Geoff slid an unmarked soda over to me, but I knew what was in it. He still knew me.

          “It’ll be hard to talk while you’re stuffing me full of junk food,” I sighed as I unwrapped my food.

          “I’m giving you time to formulate your responses,” Geoff explained through a bite of his own burger. “Because judging by what Ryan told me happened the other night, you’ve got some serious shit you’ve been keeping from us.”

          I paused as my stomach dropped into my feet and a chill ran down my spine. I don’t know why I thought Ryan wouldn’t tell Geoff, and I couldn’t say I was upset that he did. My nightmares had come back in full force and I wanted to run to them for comfort, but I also didn’t want to talk about it. I was ashamed. Ashamed of my inability to function as a criminal without Vagabond. Ashamed of how long I had kept the two most important people in my life at arm's length.

          _You can do this on your own._

Except that I was aware of the bags under my eyes and the wrinkles in my clothes. My hair was pulled up in a messy bun to hide the fact that I rolled out of bed with just enough time to get dressed and brush my teeth. That was also why my burger was half gone already and I was still hungry.

          I was trying to do this on my own, and it wasn’t working. It was going just as well as it had gone a decade ago, but now the voice in my head was quieter. And judging by the look in Geoff’s eyes and the fact that Ryan told Geoff there was clearly a problem, they weren’t going to just sit back and wait for me to “get over it” this time around.

          “It is some pretty serious shit,” I said through a mouthful of food. “And if Ryan’s standing on the other side of the door to Tartarus eavesdropping, he should just come into the room. I’m not going to repeat myself. I’m not sure I could.”

          After a few seconds, there was a hiss and the door behind me opened. I looked up from my food and saw Geoff hiding a smile behind his drink as he watched Ryan round the desk and sit on the edge of the couch. I looked over at him and he stared back at me with a tired look but I could see the concern in his eyes. A heavy silence fell over the three us as Geoff and I ate and Ryan waited patiently.

          “My reasoning is flawed at best,” I whispered as I crumpled the foil and threw it in the bag. “You’re going to think I was stupid and maybe even get mad.”

          I was met with silence and expecting stares, but when I tried to continue my voice caught in my throat.

          _You don’t need them._

          The voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper in the back of my mind, but it was there. I look up at Geoff and I felt my shoulders slump. He was frowning and looked concerned, like a father who sees that something is wrong but doesn’t know how to address it.

I wanted him to hug me.

          The thought hit me and I remained silent as I let the implications of it wash over me. I had been caught in a fight for the last few nights between what I wanted and what I thought I needed. And as both men looked at me with barely restrained affection and worry, I knew it was no longer about what I thought I needed ten years ago. I needed them now. Not to watch my back or to help me on missions. I _could_ do that on my own now. What I couldn’t do now was talk to my own best friends.

          “The night I almost died,” I choked out finally and both of them shifted uncomfortably and Geoff looked at the bag of garbage as if he had only just realized the relationship and regretted it.

          “They caught me that night because I was having problems with the cameras,” I continued. “I had been doing good without Ryan, but for some reason that night I lapsed and let my guard down because I was used to you being there. They caught me, told me I was nothing without Vagabond, and told me to scream for him until he heard me and came to pick up my body.”

          Geoff turned green, then a vivid shade of red as the corners of his eyes and mouth twitched. The sound of popping joints pulled my attention to Ryan, whose eyes and fists were squeezed shut, knuckles as white as his body tensed. I looked down at my lap as I too started to shake.

          “So, I screamed for you until my voice was gone,” I muttered. “And somewhere between figuring out what I could have done differently and desperately wanting to see you guys again, I convinced myself that I couldn’t do anything if I relied on you too much. I pushed you away to prove to myself that I didn’t need you, and I kept you away because I convinced myself that bringing you back in would make me need you too much.”

          I shuddered as tears blurred my vision. The voice tried to speak up, but two hands came into view and silenced it. Geoff came around the desk and took my hand in his, squeezing it as I gasped through the sobs I was trying to keep down. Ryan’s hand cupped my cheek as he gently lifted my head, making the tears fall down my cheeks as he locked eyes with me. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead pursed his lips and looked to Geoff.

          “You’re right,” Geoff said after some thought. “I think you were being stupid, but that’s normal. I thought everything you two got into was stupid.”

          I couldn’t help but smile and a huff of laughter broke through my locked chest. The laughs turned into sobs as every thread holding me together finally broke. Ryan dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into a tight hug. Before he could pull my head to his shoulder, Geoff leaned in and folded himself over me. I sobbed into Geoff’s chest as I clutched his arm and Ryan’s back. I gasped for air and I felt the fabric of Ryan’s shirt gather under my nails and the smell of Geoff’s cologne burned my lungs, but the sensations made me relax. It was the same cologne I used to tease him about, telling him it was why he was still single, but it was a smell that I deeply associated with a feeling of home. A feeling second only to Ryan’s back under my hands. I knew I was safe when I could wrap my arms around him and dig my fingers into him, something that he still responded to in the same way I remembered.

          I was going to have bruises from Ryan’s fingers digging into my sides, but I didn’t mind. It just meant that he had a good hold of me, and that meant I was safe.

          The voice was screaming now, but it sounded like it was yelling at me from miles away. I didn’t need them… but I wanted them here.

          “I know this isn’t enough to silence your demons,” Geoff whispered once I had calmed down. “But remember that we love you Nat, and you’re never alone as long as we’re breathing.”

          “I know,” I breathed. “I love you too. I love you guys so much.”


	8. Chapter 8

          I gently closed my logbook, keeping the pen in it to mark my page as I felt a familiar shadow materialize behind me. Arti and Hecate turned from the observation window and stifled smiles as I stared forward with a deadpan expression.

          “Just because you’re bored doesn’t mean you can get nosey,” I said.

          There was no verbal response, only a short huff as the restless shadow paced back towards the couch. The girls watched with mixed levels of amusement as the infamous and terrifying Vagabond flopped face-first into the cushions with an exasperated groan.

          “Restless?” Medusa smirked from the armchair where she was looking over maps for her next mission.

          “I’m tired of just sitting around,” he grumbled into the couch. “At least I was recovering the last time I was cooped up like this.”

          I picked up my phone as there was a condescending coo of sympathy from the girls. Well, most of them anyway.

          I pulled up Geoff’s message thread, glanced over the updates he had sent me recently and decided to go for it.

          _Me: Rye is about to explode with boredom. Medusa and Arti have a drug deal tonight with sellers that have given us problems in the past. You think he’s safe to go out? I don’t want him nosing through my stuff again._

I glanced up as a pair of green eyes caught my attention and I had to choke back a laugh. Medusa was carefully holding her maps out of Ryan’s view as he not so subtly tried to peek at them. I could see the humor in her eyes, but I had told them to keep a closer eye on him now that his desperation was pulling him out of Tartarus and around all of our information. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, but I didn’t need him getting any ideas of things to do when I wasn’t looking.

          I mouthed the words ‘Let him look.’ To her as my phone buzzed.

          _Geoff: We chased the assholes into hiding and aren’t sure of where they are, but we also haven’t seen them in the last few days. I feel nervous, but I know how he gets so I’ll go ahead make it your call. If you think your girls can keep him in line and keep an eye out for trouble, go for it._

_Geoff: Isn’t Eris the usual drug liaison? Why is Artemis going with Medusa?_

_Me: She has made it very clear that she doesn’t like Vagabond and doesn’t want to be near him, so I okayed a vacation for her._

I waved Arti over and lowered my voice as Ryan started asking Medusa questions. I could see the excitement in his eyes to be doing _something_ so I nodded to her. She gave me a shrug before starting to respond to him.

          “He’s going to drive me up the wall,” I muttered to Arti. “You think you could keep him safe and in line if he went with you tonight?”

          Her eyebrows shot up but a smile tugged at her lips.

          “You know better than on how hard it is to keep him in line,” she whispered.

          “But you’ve worked with him before,” I nodded. “If I tell him to follow your orders, he might not be thrilled but he’ll listen if it means getting out.”

          “I worked with him to flush out hits,” Arti corrected. “I can honestly say that, prior to his stay here, I had never been less than fifty feet away from him. I’ve never worked with him like this before.”

          “You’re free to say no Arti.”

          She stopped and looked over at Ryan, who was now sitting on the edge of the armchair and pointing out routes for Medusa, whose eyes were glittering with the humor of the situation.

          “I’m down,” Arti grinned. “This should be fun.”

          “Remember that he has a crew that wants him dead Arti,” I said firmly.

          “I’ll keep your boyfriend alive Nyx.”

          I puffed up to correct her as she gave me a sly wink and turned away from me. I held my face in my hand to hide my blush as my phone went off again.

          _Geoff: Wow. What a bitch. Like, I get it, he’s a bit trigger happy, but he’s not that bad._

_Me: She’s always been the problem child. She throws fits over the weirdest things and is constantly challenging my decisions. She’s a damned good intimidator though. Arti says she can try to handle Rye so I’m letting him out for the night._

“Vagabond,” Arti said loudly, making him freeze and snap his attention to her. “You’re coming with us tonight. Boss’ orders.”

          He looked to me for confirmation and nearly tripped over himself as he shot up after I nodded. I laughed as he took off at a dead sprint downstairs to his room, where I figured he was gathering his gear.

          “You sure about this?” Hecate said between giggles.

          “He needs to burn energy, I need to get work done, and you could use the muscle without Eris. I don’t need them shorting us again because those assholes think they can pull one over on a bunch of women.”

          Medusa grinned as she eyed the open door to Tartarus.

          “This should be fun,” she chuckled.

          “Right,” Arti huffed as she pulled her dirty blond hair up. “Now before he gets back and can argue, he’s a handful, to say the least. We don’t need you instigating him so you can get a good chuckle. He’s here for a reason and taking him with us adds a level of difficulty to the mission.”

          “Yes ma’am,” Medusa nodded, her thick red curls bouncing as she nodded. “Despite it being these dickheads, it should be a quick in and out kind of job. There shouldn’t be any room for Vagabond to get grabbed.”

          “And I already called in a friend to provide overwatch just in case the seller acted out,” Arti said as she glanced at me. “Nemesis agreed to keep an eye out for trouble already, so I’ll just warn her of our tagalong.”

          The bottom door to Tartarus slammed shut and I could hear Ryan taking the stairs two at a time. There was a collective giggle as he bound into the room, the joy in his eyes now simmered into a familiar game face. There was a dark twinkle in his eyes as he wiped the excess eye black off his hands and onto his jeans, and his grin matched the one in his back pocket, the infamous mask dangling behind him as he swung a duffle bag across his back.

          _“Ah, ah, ah,”_ I tutted as he zipped up his jacket. “Only one.”

          The girls looked confused and Vagabond looked as innocent as a child hiding a cookie behind their back.

          “What do you mean?” he asked sweetly, his façade cracking as his lips twitched.

          “You can bring one big gun or two pistols,” I said as I motioned towards his bag. “Not half your armory.”

          He pouted as the bag hit my desktop, the myriad of weapons clattering as the girls’ faces fell into shock. I shook my head as he laid out each weapon and looked at his selection like a high school girl trying to pick out a pair of shoes. I laughed quietly as he deliberated and everyone else gathered around to get a look at the professional’s arsenal. I knew Arti usually rolled in with a large rifle, but if Nemesis was going to be the sniper, Arti was going to pack what Medusa usually brought. If they would be bringing automatic rifles…

          I reached out and nudged the shotgun, looking directly at Ryan who responded with a sly smile before licking his lips.

          “I would,” he said pointedly. “But you said one big gun _or_ two pistols and I can’t go into a situation like this with only a shotty. I’m going to need something with more range if we get into a firefight.”

          I pinched the bridge of my nose as I stifled a laugh.

          “Fine,” I sighed, Ryan already packing up as he knew he had won. “You can pack a pistol and a shotgun.”

          He giggled evilly as he closed his bag and set it next to my desk.

          “Don’t make me regret this,” I sighed into my hands as he started to fill his pockets with appropriate ammo.

          “When have I ever made you regret letting me do things?”

          “Do you want that list chronological or alphabetical?”

          “Chronological,” Ryan grinned as he leaned over the desk and stared me down. “When was the first time I made you regret letting me do something?”

          “You picked the apartment.”

          He stared blankly at me for a moment while a smile crept across my face.

          “You came up with that quickly,” he said smoothly, but I could see his lips purse as he tried not to laugh. “How long have you been sitting on that one?”

          “Since you came home from a hit and dropped your blood-soaked jacket on my sleeping body.”

          _“What?”_

Our heads snapped to the girls, having been completely absorbed in our own back and forth. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized that Ryan and I had been gradually leaning in and got close enough that his ponytail brushed my cheek as he turned to look at the girls.

          “Explain in the van,” Arti laughed as she moved towards the door. “If we’re late these fuckers will definitely give us trouble.”

          “Later Nyxie,” Ryan chuckled.

          I sucked in a breath as his fingers carded through my hair so he could hold the back of my head and pull our foreheads together. It was an affectionate gesture we had developed when we first started working together. The criminal lifestyle was easier for him to get into than it was for me, and I often got anxiety in the beginning. Ryan knew I needed to be grounded and that was what he started doing. The habit continued long after I had gotten over the anxiety, and it was still so ingrained in me that I didn’t realize I had returned the gesture until he pulled away and I had to detangle my hand from his hair.

          He turned and walked away like nothing had happened, heading down the stairs ahead of Artemis and Medusa while the girls looked at me with their jaws on the floor. I could feel a blush creep across my cheeks as Arti grinned at me and pulled Medusa along behind her, leaving me with Persephone and Hecate.

          The two women quickly rushed my desk with wide eyes and even wider grins.

          “What the _hell_ was that?” Hecate hissed.

          “It’s just something we would always do before jobs,” I shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m just as surprised as you are that he did it. It’s been like ten years since we’ve done it. I’m amazed he still remembered it.”

          “Cut the shit Nyx. There’s more going on between you two than old friends,” Hecate continued, Persephone nodding in agreement enthusiastically.

          “That’s all we are Hecate. We’re old friends that are reconnecting. We had a strong friendship that has been able to withstand my paranoia and so it’s easy to slide back into it,” I insisted, my stomach falling as I said it.

          I could still feel Ryan’s hand in my hair, his breath on my face, and I wanted it back. It had been a few days since Geoff and Ryan got me to talk, but I had gone down to Tartarus every night since then to spend time with Ryan. I even spent the night on the couch because we stayed up too late playing video games. He had tried to get me to sleep in his room with him, something we did nightly while living in our one-room apartment way back when, but the idea made me more nervous than it excited me. I was afraid of him seeing all my scars. Especially now that he knew I was screaming for him while I got them. I didn’t want him to feel guilty.

          “If it’s just friendship then why do you look so sad?” Persephone asked softly.

          I didn’t respond, not really sure how to anyway.

          “You said you were never fuck buddies,” Hecate said, smirking as my cheeks ignited. “But you two lived together, apparently in a tiny-ass apartment, and you’ve been happier the last week or so than I’ve _ever_ seen you.”

          “She’s right,” Persephone continued. “Nyx, do you have a big dumb crush on Vagabond?”

          I couldn’t help but laugh at her phrasing and they giggled right back at me. I bit my lip while I gauged my feelings. The girls and I weren’t as close as the Fakes were. We knew each other’s names but never used them, and I knew they hung out sometimes outside of the club, but I never joined. I was even afraid to let my own crew into my life because I didn’t need help, but things had changed.

          The voice had been silent for the last few nights and it was a welcome silence as I slowly started to feel normal again. I felt like I had left the big city pollution for the fresher air of the countryside. I looked up at their expectant faces and I knew I couldn’t hide it from them any longer. If I was going to let Ryan and Geoff back in, I also needed to let these women in. They clearly cared for me, and if I had to be honest, I cared for them too.

          “Yes.”

          My voice was small and I could feel my cheeks getting hot as they grinned. I squirmed in my chair and started to puff up to argue my case on how it was okay for me to have a big dumb crush on _Vagabond._

“You two are so cute,” Persephone cooed, making my blush spread to my ears.

          “We’re not a thing,” I said softly as the unspoken ‘together’ of her sentence hung over me.

          “No, but it’s obvious that you want to be,” Hecate smiled sweetly. “You look so much happier when he’s around. He gets you to relax and I’ve seen you smile and open up more than you have in the entire nine years we’ve known each other.”

          “And believe me, I want nothing more than to keep that going,” I laughed ruefully. “But it’s been too long. If he felt anything for me then, it’s dead by now.”

          “Just like you thought it was dead for you?” Persephone asked, tilting her head.

          I chewed on my cheek and slowly rubbed my hands together as I avoided acknowledging their wide grins.

          “Are you suggesting I try to date Vagabond?” I hummed. “Is that something you’re okay with? Dear God, Eris would fucking die.”

          “Fuck Eris,” Persephone huffed, causing my jaw to drop and Hecate to put her hand on her chest. “You’ve given so much for us and practically only live for the club and the crew, it’s about damn time you take something for yourself. You’re happy for once and she can suck a fat dick if it really upsets her.”

          I blinked a few times before breaking into laughter. I shook my head and tried to quiet myself.

          “If that doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will,” Hecate chuckled as a blush spread across Persephone’s cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit Batman, am I fucking tired. RTX was a fucking blast and as sad as I am that it's over, it just means I can focus on writing again. I plan on finishing this and Syrin Song relatively soon, and then I'm going to tackle finishing Running Wild. I hit a dead end with that one and I think I found a way to fix it. I think...  
> After that, I have a Soulmate AU that is just waiting to be let out. It's a different format than normal, but I think you all will like it.


	9. Chapter 9

          I was sitting on the couch in my office when I got the text that the girls and Ryan had come back, and I stayed there as Persephone and Hecate went down to help inventory. My stomach started to twist and flutter when I heard Ryan’s heavy boots coming up the stairs. Hecate and Persephone had convinced me that I should at least make an attempt, but now that he was at the door I felt my confidence evaporate.

          “I brought you something,” he grinned as he bound into the room, two cups in his hand. “The place you used to like closed down so I brought you something from my current favorite.”

          “You brought me ice cream?” I smiled as he handed me the frozen treat, and it almost immediately fell. “What did you do?”

          “I did nothing,” he said quickly before shoving a spoonful into his mouth.

          I gave him a once over. He had come onto the room with just as much vim as normal so he wasn’t injured and his face looked fine, though incredibly guilty of something. I was about to drop it when I saw a round wrinkle in his chest that refused to be straightened out.

          _“You got shot?”_ I exclaimed through my own spoon, instantly putting a hand to the divot in his body armor.

          “I’m okay,” he smiled. “The jacket is bulletproof.”

          “I know it is! That doesn’t make it any better that you got fucking shot! Who shot you? Are Arti and Medusa okay?”

          “They’re fine,” he sighed. “And Medusa shot me.”

          “Wha-!?”

          “She didn’t believe it was bulletproof,” he said, cutting me off with a finger to my lips.

          “So you let her shoot you?” I snapped back even though the way his touch made my heart skip a beat.

          “I was that sure I would be okay,” he shrugged with a confident smirk. “Now eat your ice cream before it melts.”

          “You don’t need a medic or anything?” I asked quietly.

          Ryan put his spoon in his mouth before unzipping his jacket and pulling down his collar, showing off a half-dollar sized bruise on his shoulder.

          “My shoulder will be sore,” he mumbled through his spoon. “But I’m fine. No holes. No blood. No problem.”

          “I can’t believe she just shot you,” I grumbled.

          “There was some coercion involved,” he chuckled as he set his empty cup down. “And some taunting. I definitely deserved the bruise. She’s a quick shot, barely had time to process her movement.”

          “She and Arti are my best shots,” I nodded.

          “Arti’s fun,” he smiled as he slung his arm around my shoulders casually. “I enjoyed working with her before she joined the Moirai. She can really plan and plot. I’m used to being the hunter, but working with her felt more like being a bird dog.”

          “I’m sorry I took your hit buddy,” I said, ignoring the pang of jealousy that made my stomach flip.

          “It was fun but she got too controlling sometimes,” he sighed. “I snapped at her a lot because I didn’t like being told what to do like that.”

          “You never snapped at me.”

          “You’re different,” Ryan smiled as he pulled me flush to his side. “You are more like a guide. You tell me where the best place for me to be is. If I don’t do exactly what Arti says, we need to reset entirely.”

          “She never argues with me.”

          “You also run an operation that isn’t really open for interpretation like that. I bet she’d drive you up the wall if you heisted.”

          “You never caused me any problems.”

          “Because I like you,” he hummed as he leaned his head on mine. “Because you’re my Nyxie.”

          “I’m not going to let you sweet talk me into forgetting that you goaded Medusa into shooting you.”

          _“Damn,”_ Ryan sighed dramatically and I felt his hand tighten on my shoulder. “Can I sweet talk you into something else?”

          “It depends,” I sighed back as I leaned into him.

          “Can I sweet talk you into spending the night?”

          “Yes,” I laughed. “I’ll spend the night again. It’s late enough as is and I’m so worn out that even the couch sounds appealing right now.”

          “Actually,” he said, hesitating slightly. “I was hoping you’d sleep in my room with me.”

          “Sure,” I breathed after a long moment of contemplation.

          “Great!” he gasped, eyes going wide with joy as he jumped off the couch. “I’m going to go shower and I’ll see you down there.”

          I laughed into the last of my ice cream only to bite my lip to keep myself from grinning. I could already feel his arm around my waist and hear him snoring into his pillow. We had spent nearly five years sleeping like that. One in a five hundred square foot apartment where we had no other choice, and another four years in a full-sized apartment where we did it out of habit. We had always slept better when together. We eased each other’s minds long enough to get some decent rest. And I could really use a good night’s sleep.

*~*~*~*~*

          I stood outside Ryan’s door and nervously shifted my weight. I could still hear the girls encouragement, but their excitement did little to help me now.

          I knocked with a lump in my throat and butterflies in my stomach. I didn’t really expect anything to happen tonight, but it was still a little nerve-racking. This was the first time I had fully acknowledged my feelings for Ryan in a decade and I was drowning in them.

          Hecate was quick to tell Arti and Medusa what I had said the moment Ryan left them alone, so when I went to the storage room to say good work and goodnight I was bombarded by support.

          _“Go for it!” Arti grinned as she danced in place. “I don’t give a fuck what Eris thinks, Vagabond isn’t the blind killer he used to be and he’s definitely got a soft spot for you either way.”_

_“He’s a good man for you,” Medusa shrugged with a smirk. “You bring out the good in each other.”_

          The door opened and Ryan appeared, hair damp and slicked back and already smiling. I couldn’t help by smile back as he stepped out of the way so I could come in.

          “I hope you’re okay with baggy pajama pants and an old shirt,” he said and I could see his blush even in the low lighting of his room.

          Tartarus was about a hundred feet below ground, so I had to get creative with the design to make it feel less like a dungeon. There were fake windows on the far wall that were actually plasma screens that were programmed with different lighting settings. The default was to mimic the suns actual movements so that the resident’s natural rhythms weren’t ruined during their stay. Ryan picked a setting that had the screens totally black except for the occasional flash and a roll of distant thunder played over the gentle rain that pattered through the speakers. The rest of the lighting came from a single bedside lamp as all the ceiling lights were off.

          “Ryan,” I sighed. “We both hate sleeping in clothes. I’m wearing a sports bra, I just need to borrow some boxers.”

          I could feel my cheeks heating up as he lowered his eyes and I felt a pang in my stomach at the idea of showing him my scars. I had been thinking about this all night, and I remembered that he was with Geoff when they found me in the alley. He knew they were there, whether I hid them or not, but as I saw his posture change and his face fall I realized that it wasn’t my body he was trying to hide from.

          “You don’t have to take your shirt off,” I said quietly and my stomach sank when he winced.

          “But you’re right,” he smiled ruefully. “I _hate_ sleeping with my shirt on.”

          “Why would I want to get tangled in my clothes while I sleep?” I teased.

          “Exactly!” he grinned back and his normal confidence returned. “I’ve got a pair of boxers for you.”

          He turned his back to me and I took a deep breath before pulling my shirt over my head. The air was cool on my flushed skin and I could feel goosebumps rise on my arms. My heart pounded so hard in my chest that I was concerned that Ryan could hear it. I threw the shirt to the side before I could have second thoughts and stepped forward so I could take the bottoms from his outstretched hand. I moved to finish changing in the bathroom when I was stopped by a very firm hand on my side.

          The room flashed with simulated lightning and thunder rolled through the room as I froze, stopped dead in my tracks by Ryan palming the scar on my waist. The deepest one and the one that made me start screaming. His hand fit perfectly over it as if he had done it before and the way he was holding me wasn’t to stop me from leaving. He was applying pressure.

          “Ryan?” I whispered through a lump that materialized in my throat.

          I looked up at him and his eyes were glossy as they took in my marred torso. His hand twitched against me and he swallowed hard before opening his mouth.

          “I had a weird feeling that entire night,” he whispered. “In the pit of my stomach, something felt wrong. That’s why we went to the burger shop. I had texted you to meet us there so we could hang out. I wanted to know you were okay.”

          His voice cracked at the last word and I felt tears start to fall down my cheeks. I had never thought about how they felt that night. I just assumed that they scooped me up and took me to their infirmary, angry that their friend had gotten hurt, but a tear fell down Ryan’s cheek and I knew they had been hurt too.

          “I’m the one who found you,” Ryan sniffled. “We decided to get food to go once we realized that you weren’t coming so I went to the alley so Geoff could order.”

          Ryan’s hand tightened on me and I whimpered, but not at his grip.

          “I was panicking too much to tell if your heart was beating or not,” he laughed through a sob. “All I knew was you were cold and I couldn’t feel you breathing. I thought you were dead and I refused to let you go. I was a wreck until they got you semi-stabilized. And then I had never been so angry in my entire life. I wanted to gut all of them for hurting you.”

          Ryan leaned forward and pressed his forehead to mine and our eyes drifted shut as we took some time to calm down. His hand slid around my waist to hold me close and my body shivered at his touch. His breathing evened out and his voice was stronger when he started speaking again.

          “I remembered that feeling while those assholes had me. They had treated my wounds so that I would stay alive for the next round of torture as if they hadn’t already done their worst, and I was left in a dark basement hopped up on painkillers but still in pain. I was bouncing between terror and anger and regret. I thought of you and how I felt that night. And I regretted never taking the first step to be close again. I thought I was going to die never getting to see my best friend again.”

          I threw my arms around him and whimpered as I struggled to keep myself from crying more. He laughed as he pulled my head to his shoulder and squeezed the air out of my lungs.

          “Geoff’s been on my ass the entire month about talking to you,” he muttered into my ear. “The phrase ‘Now or never asshole’ has never been said more in all of history. Now he can shut the fuck up about it.”

          “Only a week before we go back to our own lives,” I teased through a sniffle.

          “Shut up,” he huffed and playfully pushed me away.

          I giggled and returned to my initial attempt to change. I left the door open as I washed my face and Ryan talked to me about his own place and the abandoned country club the Fakes called home.

          “It’s perfect really,” he laughed as I finally traded my slacks for Ryan’s cotton boxers. “It’s got a barbed wire and now electrified fence, a pool, several clubhouses that we use as houses, and about twenty acres for us to fuck around on.”

          “Look at you,” I mocked as I walked into the main room. “Living in a country club like some big shot snob while I live in a two million dollar mansion in the hills where I live like a recluse.”

          “So you’re saying I can come visit?” Ryan sang from the bed where he was stretched out with his hands behind his head.

          “Only with fair warning and in a different car. I can’t have it getting out that Vagabond is visiting. That wouldn’t be good for either of my businesses.”

          “And Eris hates me.”

          “And Eris hates you.”

          “But the others love me,” he grinned as I laid beside him.

          “I can tell,” I grumbled as I shoved a finger in the bruise on his shoulder, causing him to hiss and swat my hand away. “They’re all ecstatic that I have a friend and am socializing. I was told that you bring out the good in me.”

          “Versus the bad?” he grinned evilly. “Have they even _seen_ Bad Nyx?”

          “No, but Arti’s done some digging and has unearthed a shocking amount of evidence from my time as your partner. You know, we’re super lucky the LSPD is as incompetent as they are, or we’d be in real trouble.”

          “You’re right. What would I do if it got out that I kill for money and rob banks? My career as a community theater actor would be over.”

          “Shut up you piece of shit!”

          I tried to shove myself away from him and the thunder track was drowned out by my howling laughter as he grabbed my wrists in one hand and started tickling me. I tried to kick at him but he quickly threw his leg over mine and rendered me immobile and completely at his mercy.

          “You’ve gotten soft,” he growled as he stopped and took in how tangled up we were, then looked up at me through his eyelashes. “Unless you wanted me to subdue you.”

          “Shut up,” I groaned, turning my head to hide my blush and immediately squealing as he threw himself on top of me.

          “Ryan! Ryan, stop!”

          My lungs were starting to burn from the laughter and my nose hurt from the way he was making me snort and squeal. I finally squirmed enough to free my hand and managed to throw him off me by shoving my thumb into his bruise. I scrambled onto him grabbing his wrists to keep him from continuing his assault despite being on his back. And between my legs.

          I froze the moment I realized I was straddling his hips and my eyes dropped from his grinning face as I tried to hide my blush, but I was immediately distracted.

          Even in the light of the lamp, I could see the color difference in his scar. It was pink like it was still healing. It had been nine months, but it still seemed fresh. It stretched across the entire length of his right side. It curled up the front of his shoulder and rippled down his body where it disappeared under the fabric of his underwear. It looked like light refracted through a pool, the way his skin tried to grow back but was too damaged to fix properly. There was a section on his bicep that looked like his skin was melting like a wax figure that was _just_ above an appropriate temperature. The scar stopped just short of where the collar of his shirt would be, and there were small dots of pink just beyond the edge of the main scar where droplets had landed and burned through him.

          I pulled my gaze from it, fully aware that I was staring and started to sag as I looked at the scar on his face. I had blocked it out after the first night, making an effort to not stare and make him uncomfortable, but now that he was exposed beneath me, I couldn’t help it. His eyes followed me, the one still cloudy and probably not going to clear up any more than it already was, leaving that eye more of a shade of gray than the brilliant blue of his other one. He looked up at me with a mix of sadness and resignation, but his mouth still tried to curl at the ends as he watched me.

          I hadn’t watched the entire video, I didn’t want to see my friend in that situation and brought so low, but now that I saw the aftermath I fully realized how close I had come to losing him. My heart thumped in my chest and I felt angry. Angry at the men who had done this, who had tried to take him from me and had made him afraid.

          But he was here. He was solid and warm and trying not to smile as his eyes drifted along my body. I could see the quiver in his lips as he tried to hide it, but the one eye twinkled mischievously as he thought about how to break the tension. How he could make me smile and ignore what had almost happened. I could always count on him to make me relax and not fixate on problems I couldn’t solve.

          I could feel the voice in the back of my head try to speak up, but it was quickly silenced. I didn’t need Ryan, but everything was better with him around. I never heard him say it, but I could hear Geoff’s voice over the nervous feeling the other voice gave me.

          _Now or never asshole._

Ryan’s eyes snapped up to me as soon as I started to lean in, and I smiled as his first instinct was to use my grip on his wrists as leverage to try and push me back up. He smiled back and let me lower myself, thinking I would lay on his chest. I heard him suck in a lungful of air as I shifted my weight so I could rest my hands on his chest, careful not to irritate his injuries.

          “Nat?” he breathed, sounding almost choked as I gently pressed our foreheads together.

          Then an anxious fear gripped me, but there was something old and familiar about it. Like pulling an old coat out of storage that you had forgotten about. His eyes sparkled in the dim light and my throat constricted, all words escaping me as I was overwhelmed with a chill I hadn’t felt in ages.

          “I’m sorry I ever pushed you away,” I whispered, voice shaking. “I was stupid. You’re my best friend and I almost lost you.”

          Ryan’s entire body sank as he pulled me to his chest, arms wrapped tight around me as I shuddered and melted into him. He didn’t say a word, only rolled onto his side and wrapped us up in the blankets. He gently rubbed my back and we laid there for so long I thought he had fallen asleep.

          “It’s okay Nat,” he breathed as his hands slowed. “I promised you I’d always be here when you needed me. Just because that was college doesn’t change a damn thing.”

          I smiled and clung to him as he fell asleep. I felt a voice in the back of my head try to speak up, but it wasn’t the same one I had grown used to over the last ten years. It was one I hadn’t heard in just as long. It grew louder and louder until it felt like it was trying to force its way out of my throat to become real.

          _I love you, Ryan. I love you._


End file.
